Achieving Your Goals!

Thanks, Pinsbook!

We all have things that we want to achieve. To have writing published. To lose weight. To run a marathon. To plan the perfect wedding. To learn to sew. There are thousands and thousands of tasks that we set out to accomplish, ranging from minor projects to the big, life-changing stuff. And it feels so good when we actually get there!

However, there's a lot that can get in the way of us achieving our dreams. Sometimes we feel buffeted around by fate, or kicked in the guts by the banal judgements of others. It's hard to keep focus- and even harder to pick yourself up and keep going when you begin to doubt yourself.

Once upon a time, I knew someone that would tread all over my excitement whenever I was embarking on a new challenge. This person repeatedly trampled down the belief that I held in myself, pointing out everything that would go wrong and coercing me to exist in a world where I never went after anything I believed in. The term 'dreamer' became a derogatory judgement on my character, a way to reinforce their belief that my goals and hopes for the future were largely unattainable. 'Romantic' became a cynical and nasty way to describe my persistence to see the good in everyone (and the good in myself!).

I understand now how important it is to keep sight of what your goals are, and the things you need to focus on to keep them in check and keep yourself working towards them.

. . . . .

 

 

Mel V via Pinterest!

 

 

Have a clear understanding of what you want to achieve

 

This is where it all starts. What do you want? And really- what do you want? Not your parents, not your partner, not your boss. What do you want? How do you want to feel? Happy? Strong? Fast? Loved? Invincible? Accomplished? Stylish? More importantly- why do you want to feel these things? Having a deeper understanding of why we crave the things that we do is imperative to the achievement of our goals.

 

If you want to be thin, it's not good enough just to say that you want to be thin so you can be happy. Why aren't you happy as you are? What things about yourself do make you happy? Have a serious think about what it is that you want to achieve and why. You might be surprised by what really triggered your desire for change.

 

Write it down

 

This is the fun part! Make messy, vibrant, highly coloured lists! Scribble it all over a giant whiteboard and decorate it in flowers! Getting your thoughts down on paper makes them real, tangible and visual. It filters all the racing around in your brain, and helps you to start clearly mapping out your thoughts.

 

Write your goals in dot points, scribble things out, underline things ten times and highlight them in pink and yellow. Number them, in order of desire or urgency. Scribble out the numbers and re-order them after you've had a coffee. Visually explore your impulses and start working with your dreams. And of course, don't forget to set a realistic time frame- you can't pay off your credit card in two weeks (unless you win the lottery!)

 

Do your research

 

This is the less glamorous, more practical side of dream-living: really understanding the nitty gritty. If you want to go to Europe at the end of next year, you need to sort out finances. Do you want to start a yoga course? How about losing twenty kilos?

 

Start from the top- what are the practicalities of achieving your goal? Think about money, a time frame, your health and wellbeing. If your goals and dreams aren't well-supported, it will be unbelievably discouraging when you find yourself struggling to achieve them.

 

Start visualising

 

I've said it once (ten times) and I will say it again (and will continue to say it forever)- if you think that is what's going to happen, then of course that is what's going to happen. Don't make the mistake of setting out to achieve something believing that you are going to fail! That is no way to foster positive energy! Start working towards things believing that it's only a matter of time before they start to manifest in your life. Check it out:

 

"I want to lose 15 kilos."

"I am losing 15 kilos."

 

"I want to be a freelance writer."

"I am a freelance writer."

 

"I want to have a better relationship with my Mum."

"I have a wonderful relationship with my Mum."

 

Do you see where I'm going with this?

 

You need to start putting yourself in a position where you know that you can achieve. Start understanding that by thinking, talking, learning, reading, loving- you are already working towards living your dreams. There's no big secret here. Visualise yourself achieving your goals and you will start to see the benefits and amazing results. I promise!

 

Surround yourself with people who believe in you

 

This is not a difficult one to figure out. If you have people in your life who doubt you, make you feel worthless, or even worse, make you feel that you can't achieve anything without their help- cut them loose. They are hurting your self worth. Don't judge your achievements based on what they think of you! It's your life! It's your future!

 

Don't spend your time with people who like to be negative. These people like to judge others. The like to point our people's flaws, they believe that poor characteristics outweight good characteristics. It's a very sad, lonely way to live. How will you ever learn to love yourself if you find yourself sitting in a dark corner with them, hating everyone esle?

 

Get in the zone

 

Yay, colours! This is my favourite part of goal setting, and is a great tool for manifesting change. Humans are very visual creatures. Colours and shapes stimulate our weird and wonderful brains and we learn to associate feelings and emotions with images. Get out your magazines, people- it's time to make a mood board!

 

Find images, words, sparkly things, tickets, coasters, photographs- anything that you associate with achieving your goal, and start making a collage that you will see every day. Associate your mood board with power, positivity and success. Pinterest is a great way to do this online if you don't want to spend hours with stacks of of issues of Vogue or Q Magazine (and don't forget to follow me- we can be Pinning buddies!)

 

Reward yourself

 

A good way to keep yourself motivated is to set small milestones throughout the duration of your goal-achievement time frame. For every $1000 you save towards your trip, treat yourself to a lovely bottle of wine and rent a movie that's set in the place you want to travel to. For every 3 or 4 kilos you lose, buy yourself a lovely piece of jewellery. For each expression of interest you recieve for your writing portfolio, dedicate an hour to learning to make frosting flowers.

 

Associate your achievements with joy and accomplishment. You deserve to be rewarded for your hard work!  

 

Track your progress

 

We need to constantly reassess our goals in order to maintain achievement. It might even be that our goals need adjustment based on how we are progressing. If you're ahead of your savings target, why don't you try increasing your weekly savings amount by ten dollars? If you are no longer feeling challenged in your beginners yoga class, maybe you could ask the instructor for a transfer to the intermediate class?

 

However, it's important to try not to go the other way- that is, adjusting our goals to enable us to under-achieve. The thing is, it's not the fact that you want more time to help you lose weight or save for a holiday- the problem is in the fact that you think you can't. More often than not, the inability to reach our goals is due to a severe lack of confidence in our own abilities. It comes from a fundamental belief that we should probably just settle for what we have. Which is total, complete, utter bullshit. Get out of that mindset, lassie, because you deserve the positive changes you want to see in your life!

 

 

Healthy travel budgets and ass-kicking awesomeness,

 

MJ x 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Group Love: Avoid a Friender Bender!

Thanks g00d t1m3!

If you are lucky enough to have a fabulous Go-To Gang, you’ll understand perfectly what I mean when I say that hanging out with the right group of people empowers you to make the most of your life. It’s a privilege to spend your time with people who love you, support you, and can make you laugh. They give you that extra boost of confidence to help carry you through life’s tricky bits.  Of course, for the tricky bits, it also helps if they willingly split a margarita jug with you and know all the words to ‘Ain’t No Mountain High Enough’.

However, there are days when you do stop and wonder- where did the last month go? Since when are X’s sisters moving in together? Since when did Y and Z start dating? And how the hell didn’t I know that ABC’s cousin/Aunty/terrier was pregnant?  

There are a few ways to keep your beautiful friendships happy and healthy, from a ‘Magic Mike’ night with your lady friends to treating yourself to a latte-and-mag date alone. Otherwise, you may find yourself on a Friender Bender- going completely round the twist due to over or under exposure…

All In

The whole point of having a great friendship group is to enjoy it! You already know the best ways to enjoy spending time with your Go-To Gang- whether it’s a Sunday afternoon barbeque and Guitar Hero session, ten-pin-bowling or a lovely group dinner for So-And-So’s birthday. Take the time to enjoy your mates. They love you. You love them. The math isn’t difficult (though finding a willing designated driver may be).

Stop: Couple Time!

Are you lucky enough to be the ‘better half of a whole’ within your Go-To Gang? Do you take the time to be together, apart from your other friends? Taking space to share love with your partner is so incredibly important. Make sure they know how much you love and value them for who they are- not just which member of the group they are. Don’t allow the special things you love about them to be swallowed whole by the gales of unified, screaming laughter being omitted from your backyard.

Which One Are You Again?

Don’t lose sight of the unique, individual characteristics that make up each and every one of your friends. They are all special. They all bring something beautiful and singular to your group- that’s why you all get on so well! Try flying solo with one of them in between your group jaunts. When you ask them how they are- mean it. What is happening in their life? How are their family? How is their work going? Make sure each of your friends know separately how much you appreciate them, and what you love about them.

Table For One

Spending time alone can be surprisingly difficult- especially if you are typically surrounded by a group of six or eight people. The thing is, spending time alone is absolutely essential to our well-being. It helps us breathe. It helps us gather our thoughts. It helps us assess our lives and what we want. Loving yourself is just as important as loving your friends. Draw a bath, grab a book and a glass of wine and chill out before you go All In again.


Guitar solos and topless Channing Tatums,

MJ x

About the Beautiful Mess

Hello, precious!

I hope you are having a beautiful day! The sun is shining in my town today- it's warm and lovely. I have had a wonderful week so far with a suprise ice-skating date, wedding planning, wine and personal training to get me to Hump Day!

I think, seeing as though I now have followers that I do not know personally (hello! You are most welcome!), now would be a great time to really get into the 'nuts and bolts' of what the Beautiful Mess is all about!

If you've visited the blog in the last day or two, you will notice that I have added an 'ABOUT' page to the homepage. It's a link that will take you to a magical land, where you can learn a little more about me, and a little more about the Beautiful Mess and why we're here! And so, without further ado, let's get into the Beautiful Mess...

. . . . .

It. Is. Your. Life.

You can be happy within it if you choose to be.

Here's the thing. I know how easy is is to become complacent when you feel sad. It's so simple (and so tempting) to stay in bed all day, weeping into your pillow. Or to drag yourself to work and slump in your office chair, thoroughly depressed and feeling more alone than you ever have in your life.

You sit and hope that today will be the day! The day you recieve the fluke phone call offering you your dream job. Or maybe, the day the boy you have loved quietly for years will suddenly fall in love with you, too. Or perhaps, the day your car will magically service itself (and pay for it). The day your dog will train itself to stop peeing on your furniture. The day your best friend will bring you wine and cigarettes and let you cry for three hours, offering you the same advice she has patiently offered you countless times in the last six months.

Enough is enough!

No longer do we need to rely on boyfriends/ parents/ best friends/ girlfriends/ cats to make us happy. Your happiness is an ENORMOUS responsibility to impose on another person! It is unfair and unrealistic to hope that anyone other than yourself should create happiness in your life! It is no one elses job to ensure that you are achieving your goals, living your dreams, doing what you love or falling for the right person. It is yours.

You are capable of creating your own happiness- whether it is as simple as buying yourself some of your favourite fresh flowers, or working hard to achieve the promotion and payrise that you deserve. We- and we alone- are responsible for the light and happiness in our lives.

 

 

Manifesting Joy

"The law of attraction is the name given to the belief that "like attracts like" and that by focusing on positive or negative thoughts, one can bring about positive or negative resuts. (Thanks, Wikipedia!)".

 

My Mama would attest to the following statement (it has been her mantra to me since I turned twelve and started to believe that the Universe was out to get me). If you believe that is what's going to happen, then of course that is what's going to happen. In early highschool, I remember being too terrified to go to parties because I was convinced I wouldn't be able to talk to boys and they would all laugh at me. I've applied for jobs thinking 'there's no way I'm going to get this job anyway, so what's the point?'. I've gone to gym close to tears because I believed that I'm pre-destined to be a porker till the day I die.

 

I was a terrifying vortex of negative thinking! And -shock, horror- the more negatively I behaved, the worse things became! When you expect the worst, the Universe delivers it right to your door on a silver platter! (And no, the waiter isn't a gorgeous Frenchman who can pronounce 'cordon bleu' properly, it's Oscar the Grouch and he smells like a trashcan).

 

If we can learn to adjust our thinking and re-order our compulsions so the first thoughts that come to our minds are born of love, joy and thankfulness- it will manifest as positivity in our lives. I am a total, true believer in this principal. It makes you a happier, more vibrant person, which not only benefits your life, but also the lives of all those around you. Give up the Negative Nancy or Negative Nelson act, lover! It doesn't look good on you!

 

Harnessing Your Strength

You can.

You always could.

You are capable.

You are a fighter.

You are worthy.

 

We believe in you.

 

Find the strength to start believing in yourself.

 

Live Freely

Too often, I think, we find ourselves starting to twist and bend to conform to the standards of others. How many times have you paused, changed direction or come to a total standstill because you were afraid of twhat others might think of you? It is wonderful that we can have such strong relationships with our loved ones. Their love and advice is a treasure greater than anything money could buy. But don't let love and advice become a power over you that crowds your own dreams and decisions.

 

We are so lucky to live in a contemporary society that allows us freedom. Freedom of speech, freedom of religion, freedom of choice... the list goes on and on and on. Just don't forget that these freedoms exist so you can have your individual voice. It's not right for someone to make you feel as though you are not free to live as you are. Tattoos, sexual preferences, offline and online social networks, pet tarantulas, blue hair, politics, lollipop fetishes, gothic music, surfer dreads, lip piercings, bright red lipstick, religion... your life it yours to live. So start living it freely.

 

 

 

 

In my opinion, true joy comes from three places: the things we love, keeping good relationships and loving ourselves. It doesn't take much to start creating joy, and fostering the energy that keeps it going round and round.

 

For example, yesterday on a whim I decided to go into a junky looking discount store. I had next-to-no money in my purse and no real reason for going inside. I came out with a pack of 3D holographic dragonfly stickers. Now, if you don't know me very well, it may come as a surprise to you that I am OBSESSED with anything holographic! I love sparkles! And I love dragonflies, and I love dragonflies in different colours! I came home, ripped the package open excitedly and covered my bedroom door in them. For $2. Yes- $2. And the moral of the story is: always try to appreciate the beautiful things in the world- especially the things that make you smile.

 

I don't need to tell you to appreciate your friends and family. But remember to take the time to show them how much you love them, even if it's something as simple as picking a flower from a garden on the way home to give to your sister. Keeping good relationships is all about love, appreciation, intent and sincerity. And note that I said keeping good relationships. Don't bother with the bad ones. They kill your buzz, crush your spirit and diminish your self-worth (believe me, I am an expert in this area!).  

 

And, last but absolutely, totally and compeltely in no way least: appreciate the joy you feel for yourself! We all have our insecurities but don't let them get in the way of being the beautiful person that you are. We MUST learn to love ourselves. It's the whole point of everything we do here. Fostering positive energy, celebrating creative force, cultivating our own personal style- we can't achieve all these goals in the long run without deep true belief and appreciation of ourselves and our own Messes. Your Mess- your gorgeous, effervescent, vibrant, sparkling Mess- is your life. It comes from within you. Why did you think I called it Beautiful?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Holographic dragonflies and warm sunshine,

 

MJx

 

 

 

 

 

How to Not Wake Up Feeling Stuck In A Rut!

Some mornings I wake up and, quite simply, feel like ass. It's true! I open a bleary eye, peer at my iPhone to check the time, and know instantly to the core of my being that I'm in a bad, bad mood. I do not know why. I do not know how. But this grumble-bum phenomenon blocks my creativity, stems my flow of positivity and makes me snappy with innocent family members.

Life can be stressful. There are money worries, boy troubles, Horrible Bosses, family feuds and other worrisome whales to contend with. Some days, it seems that nothing short of a miracle will get you out of bed, let alone out of bed, smiling and being pleasant to telemarketers. While I'm not going to break down all the individual stresses of day-to-day life and perform an in depth analysis of the intricacies of  stress management, there are some simple ways to bring a little bit of joy back to the forefront of your Beautiful day!

Set your alarm to a song that gets your blood pumping

Music is a powerful motivational tool! Music assists with focus, drive, it can affect emotions and moods. Why do you think sports teams have anthems? Or why they play Enya at meditation classes? Music can help to get you back into a positive mindset. And if that's the first thing that happens to you in the morning, imagine what you could achieve armed with a few good beats throughout the rest of the day?!

Here's a few of my favourite 'happy day' tracks to get you started!

Jet - Are You Gonna Be My Girl

 

The La's - There She Goes

 

DJ Fresh - Gold Dust

 

Jennifer Lopez - Let's Get Loud

 

 

Start the day with a herbal tea

I know it sounds a bit naff, and don't get me wrong, I am a coffee addict. But there is something very natural, earthen and soothing about drinking herbal tea- particularly if you drink it out of an incredible teacup! Try T2, Teawana and T-Bar for energising blends, or anything with berries. And beacuse teacups make me happy, here is Tumblr's best selection!

Do your makeup differently


Well, obviously, this only applies to female readers! Try altering your morning routine. If you're feeling stuck in a rut, change your lip colour! Add a swipe of sparkle to your lids before applying your eyeliner! I'll be doing a few makeup tutorials in the coming months, so stay tuned. But in the mean time- if you usually wear lip balm, invest in a new coloured lip gloss. If you typically stick to bronzer, try a pink or peachy shade for your cheeks. Experiment with shimmer. Even revisit the nineties and give body glitter another whirl! Makeup is about self-expression, experimenting with who you are, and having FUN. What are you afraid of?! Afterall- it washes off!

 

Make an effort to be sincere

How many times have you stopped to buy your morning coffee and barely even looked at the barista? Do you say "thanks" or "cheers" without even thinking about it? Without even meaning it? The people who help to create your day- baristas, bus drivers, office cleaners, cashiers- are people, just like you. Make an effort to give them a proper smile. Ask them how they are, and be genuinely interested. And don't forget to give them a proper smile when you say goodbye. Smiles are contagious! Spread the love!


I'm not saying that whacking on a shade of fuschia lipstick will help you get out of a controlling or abusive relationship, or that sticking up a poster of a kitten hanging from a branch will grant your boss the wave of understanding that will finally get you a payrise and an invitation to hit the gym with him after work. But these tiny details are all under our control. We can alter small things in the course of our daily routines that can help to make life brighter, make your day better. They are accessible and easy and, well, who knows...? If you try them, maybe you'll find that you go to bed on one of these shitty days with the faintest trace of a smile!

Flowered teacups and Gold Dust sprinkles,

MJ x

Conflict: A Beginners Guide

Cripes! I’ve let my Mess run away with me again. It’s been far too long since my last post- my millions of readers must be devastated! I have to say, in my defence, there’s been a fair amount going on lately. A whirlwind of money crap, jobs applications, interview arrangements, house inspections, crazy relatives and the like. All the hullaballoo had resulted in limited sleep, pretty scary dreams and, most importantly- I started to think about the concept of conflict.

Conflict (con . flict) verb1. To come into collision or disagreement; be contradictory, at variance, or in opposition
2. To fight or contend; do battle. To clash.
Ah, conflict. Where would we be without it? Probably locked inside our own heads, terrified to make decisions for ourselves, putting up with things that make us sad or angry just because we don’t want to come to terms with the idea of making proactive change. As much as nobody likes to fight or argue, facing up to your own problems is an incredibly empowering thing to do. It generates positive energy. It fills you with courage and resonates with an air of infinite possibility. But- where to start?
Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
I worry a lot. Not anywhere near as much as I used to, and this is something that I intend to keep working on. (One of my best friends considers a moment not telling me to ‘Chill, Winston,’ as a moment wasted.) I know that I worry about little things, I do. And you know what? I’m starting to realise more and more, it sucks precious energy out of my soul. If you can’t learn to accept the little things, like missing a bus, running five minutes late, losing your keys- how on earth d’you expect to be able to cope with the big stuff? The huge stuff? Try to let the little things go. They are not worth worrying about. Chill, Winston!
Be Brave
Facing problems head on is a petrifying thing to do. I can talk and talk and talk and talk for hours about a
problem, why it’s a problem, when the problem started, how that problem is affecting my Mess, why I feel I need to do something about the problem, when I’m going to do something about the problem... but actually facing the problem is something I am just not good at. It demands courage, and confidence, and conviction in your beliefs- all things that I need to work on. But you know what? I’m no doormat either. I don’t believe in lying down and taking crap from someone, for any reason. Why should you have to put up with things that make you sad, or angry, or frustrated? Change, change, change! Let’s make a pact- we are all going to pick a problem, big or small, to face properly in the next week. We’ll report back.
There Are Some Things That You Just Can’t Change
As sad as it is, and no matter how much you try, sometimes we need to learn to accept problems which are beyond immediate repair. Relationships which are broken beyond anybody’s capability to fix. Don’t forget, every single problem in the world is created by human instinct, human error, human judgement. Key word being human. There comes a point sometimes when we all need space and time to grow alone. Don’t see it as a failure. Don’t think that you’re weak. It’s okay to recognise that you need to remove yourself from shitty situations in order to foster positive change. After all... how can anybody love you if you don’t love yourself first?
Embrace your Mess. Live it happily. Live it courageously. If you’re going to fight for anything, fight for your Mess- and keep it beautiful.
M x